


Surfacing

by letsdrivetoeternity



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, POV Multiple, Slow Build, jackbam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-22 16:05:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9615341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letsdrivetoeternity/pseuds/letsdrivetoeternity
Summary: His bare skin is burning under the touch and he wants to open his eyes and look down to see if there are huge red handprints around his hips and waist. He feels so utterly small and soft when Jackson holds him like this, his body gives this illusion of being too dainty and fragile when it seems like the older man could just cover his whole middle with his two hands.





	1. Songs and Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything for years so forgive the awkwardness.

'So let us not speak of it, let it be our unsaid secret. Let's pretend this thing between us doesn't exist. You won't say a word of it, I'll never let you know that I know. But you will know that I can feel it. And I know that you are not unaware of what you feel. But for us and for them, let's pretend till the day we can't do it anymore and it all falls apart. '

\--x--

 

  
Jaebum sits on one of the empty chairs on the airport, his Carry bag in his lap. Jinyoung is next to him, irritated and close to falling asleep any second. They've just returned back to Korea and he knows all of them are a little desperate to feel the familiar comfort of their messy dorms. Travelling to other countries and spending every other night at some fancy hotel has its charms but they all feel homesickness creeping up on them after a certain period of time. Life is definitely strange like that. There was a time when all of them, especially the foreign members felt the same way about the dorms too. In the trainee days and even after their debut, it was a common sight to see one of the boys getting in a mood over missing their parent's house. Now their residence in Korea is a home away from home, but they don't get to spend that much time there. Sure, its not very comfortable for seven grown up men at times. They get into arguments over the most stupid matters and not to mention that some of them can be very sensitive and reactive towards the moods of the other members. He is sure they all will be branching out to live alone or share with a couple of other members. But for now, its enough. Especially when they are all so mentally and physically drained.

 

  
The Maknae is already asleep on the other side of Jinyoung. They all are waiting for the cars to come and pick them up. There was some misunderstanding and now they have arrived a little early but the company cars haven't arrived to pick them up. Its early in the morning and not that many people are on the there right now. He can feel people staring at them and some cameras clicking away. They all have their heads covered. Mark and Youngjae are standing behind them, the younger with his hand around Mark's arm. Their managers and other staff are standing around them, all vigilant and keeping an eye out for any trouble. Jinyoung has his one arm around Yugyeom. He leans forward just a little to glance at them and he can't help but think that they look adorable. Yugyeom reminds him of a sleepy disgruntled kitten, one of those stray cats he feeds sometimes and Jinyoung has his stoic expression on, he looks like he 'wants to kill a bitch' as Mark would say. Its been quite some time since they have been waiting and he knows Jinyoung will be talking about this for many months to come. He shakes his head softly and looks away.

 

  
He hears a loud smacking sound coming from his right and turns his head to see Jackson rubbing his arms, looking sleepy and sulky like he usually is in the mornings. Jackson grabs Bambam's hand and squeezes it tight in retaliation. He whispers something to him and frowns a little. Bambam let's out a small giggle and tries to get away. Jaebum is sure that he is digging his fingernails in Jackson's wrist but Jackson doesn't react. He's used to it after all. He sometimes can't help but think how he hasn't had to report a murder yet. Its been almost six years, those two could have sent each other to the hospital at least a hundred times by now. It is not that they intentionally try to hurt each other or that they hate one another. Its far from that. Its just that they don't seem to know the boundaries or when to stop when it comes to each other. One of these days, they will twist an arm too hard or push one another down the stairs or something. He is always a second away from calling an ambulance and he is sure he has heard Jinyoung muttering about calling the cops on them once or twice as they heard loud screeching from some other parts of the house. The leader has lost the count of how many times he has seen them trying to choke each other just this month. Sometimes, he wonders if this is how all extroverts interact when they are together. He is all up for taking one of their Maknaes in a headlock or slap their head if they irritate him or try to be overly smart. But he doesn't get the unnecessary almost violence that makes up for most of the interaction between the two extroverts in their group. He doesn't understand.

 

  
He knows they are extremely close and share a special bond built on mutual interest in being strange, cheery and loud. And he also knows that Jackson is a deep thinker who is wise beyond his years and Bambam tends to be quiet and gentle when its just them within the four walls of their dorms or whichever hotel they are staying in and there are no cameras. They both can be found sitting quietly in some abandoned corner, either alone or with each other. Usually, he always knows when they are around. It cannot be that you can avoid hearing their shrieking and shouting no matter how far away you are from their chaos. They always let you know where they are. It gives this sense of openness to them that the rest of the members don't have. They are the most approachable for fans and most visible in the group. That might be why he is always a little taken aback when he can't tell that they are somewhere around because they were being unusually quiet. He just can't get used to it. No offence intended but Jackson and Bambam are like a tornado and typhoon thrown together, obnoxious and loud gestures, constant restless movements, uncontrollable mess, havoc havoc havoc... and some other equally lively and destructive things. He is too sleepy to think of them right now. Its not like he'll ever tell them. He doesn't need two members sulking and being passive aggressive towards him at the same time. Especially those two since they can be quite persistent and don't know how to let go of things. And he doesn't mean to be critical for the most part. He might actually call it beautiful if he was feeling poetic. Those two perfectly fit in the group. The quietness without their presence is deafening at times. He's sure that everyone feels it when its just the five of them. It can get a little boring and empty without their constant chattering and antics. So really, he isn't complaining. He's just ... wondering.

 

  
Jaebum doesn't associate stillness and quietness with those two and it always shocks him when he is forced to do so. Case in point, he doesn't know where they are coming from right now. He wouldn't have known they were around if he hasn't heard the sound of someone being hit. Jackson has let go of Bam's hand now and has wrapped an arm around his shoulders, fingers resting on the side of his neck. They aren't exactly talking, just soft grunts and chuckles coming from the younger boy's mouth as they engage in some weird sort of a dance. He flinched a little, knowing that Jackson will end up wrapping his fingers around Bam's neck any minute. Seeing their hands so close to touching, he is reminded of that day when he walked out of his hotel room to the balcony from some fresh air in the early morning. He stretched and moved around a little bit. The weather was pleasant, cold air touching his face but it wasn't freezing either. He walked to his left and was about to lean on the railings when he saw them both sitting side by side in their own balcony, against the door that lead to their room. For at least ten seconds he just stood there and looked at them. He realized that he was waiting for them to move and felt almost a little disturbed when they didn't. He could see Jackson's fingers tapping on his own thighs and if he moved it to the right he could be touching the younger boy's fingers. They were sitting extremely close, thighs and shoulders almost touching but not really. He'd say it was the most bizarre thing he has seen in a while, but this wasn't that uncommon. He just couldn't get used to seeing them like this, so still and quiet, like the world could end and they'd just sit there, frozen in time and in their own world. He stood there for a while, feeling like an intruder even though they were sitting out here where anyone could see them. Its not like they are trying to hide something or keeping a secret. He isn't seeing anything they don't want anyone to see so he for the life of him couldn't understand why he felt this guilt. He watched as the Sun rose and the world became clearer, saw his group mates as the first rays of sunlight fell on them. They shone together, looking so painfully pure and inspirational in that moment that he could write a song. He imagines what the song would sound like as he moves away to go back in his room.

 

  
Now here on the airport, as it starts to get crowded and they all prepare to get the hell out of here before they attract too much attention, he is having a hard time looking away from those two. The younger is now helping Jackson put his face mask on, something Jackson could have done by himself if he would just remove his other hand away from Bam's neck. He feels that strangeness, the guilt of seeing something he shouldn't as he looks away from where two fingers are lightly moving up and down a pulse point. He turns away only to find Jinyoung doing the exact same thing that he himself was doing a moment ago -- only his friend doesn't look guilty whatsoever. He has his usual pensive expression on and Jaebum can't tell what he's feeling as always. Jinyoung might have someone looking at him because he slowly moves his intense gaze on him and for a moment they just look at each other. He sees something in Jinyoung's eyes and the younger man startles. Others might not have caught it but he knows his friend too well. He caught that slight change in his expression, that glint in his eyes and he doesn't know why he feels like Jinyoung might have seen the same expression mirrored on his face. In that moment, as Mark murmurs something and Yugyeom let's out a sleepy chuckle, he feels like like he has shared some kind of a secret with Jinyoung that his friend already knew. Jinyoung breaks eye contact to glance to where they both know that Jackson and BamBam are standing, looking as carefree, casual and relaxed as ever, like they always are. Jaebum hurriedly picks his bag up and lowers his cap. As he pulls his hoodie up and starts walking towards the exist, he wonders if he and Jinyoung are composing the same tune, imagines an identical song forming in both their heads at the same time. They were always in sync like that after all.

 

\----


	2. Underwater, help!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the mistakes.

He is laying on the bed with his head hanging off one side. The blood is rushing to his brain and he feels dizzy. But he is utterly relaxed, the sound of shower running and Bryson Tiller’s voice falling on his ears. He could fall asleep any second like this, staring outside the window, admiring the beautiful city at night, shining and upside down tall buildings all blurring together in his vision. For a moment he wonders how amazing it would have been if eyes could snap pictures of how things appear to them. It is so hard to recreate what your eyes see through paintings and pictures. It is just never the same. What he is seeing in this moment will be lost forever. So he tries not to blink and keeps staring. He might as well enjoy it till it lasts.

 

 _‘Got me wishing we did the things that we didn’t do._ ’

 

He doesn’t know how much time passes when he hears Jackson come out of the shower, deep voice softly humming along to the song playing now; something about being raised in Atlanta and having good sex lately. He likes it a lot. And he likes the song too. He wants to stay quiet and not move at all, not make a single sound. Maybe Jackson won’t stop humming then. He stays still when there is a dip in the bed beside his legs and ignores the cold thick fingers slowly wrapping around his ankle, ignores his name being whispered. He feels a little betrayed that he can’t hear his friend humming anymore. He’s thinking about throwing a little fit about it, whine and demand that he continue. Why would Jackson stop doing that just to whisper his name? He hates the way the other man says his name, hates it a little more than how much he loves when Jackson sings songs to himself, low and unsure. He doesn’t know what to do with the strange quivering he feels rising from somewhere deep inside him, making his stomach ache with something too pleasant, choking him as it reaches his throat. So helpless, he’s always been so helpless and that too by his own choice. He doesn’t give himself the right to complain -- not when he feels so restless and incomplete when he isn’t filled with these strange emotions that follow the familiar touches on his body by those hands he could recognize even with a blindfold on and ten other sets of hands on him. He has spent years holding those hands, wrapping his own hands around each finger, caressing the bone structure whenever they’d get free time to sit and relax. He has pressed the broad and hard palms on his own neck and thighs, memorizing the sensation and he has caressed the tips of the fingers whenever the hands would casually fall on him. But he is sure those finger tips rubbing on the back of his neck for the past six years, pressing and pulling his lower lip in random moments and going around to hold his waist like it belongs there, has left a deeper impression on his soul. Sometimes he just stops whatever he is doing – in the washroom, the makeup room, in the practice hall, and just stares at the mirror, raising his chin to looks at his own lips. His hyungs tease him; think that he is just obsessed with himself. They don’t understand and he doesn’t ever plan to explain it to them. It surprises him that he can’t see the imprints of broad thumbs all over his lower lip. Jackson usually joins in the teasing too and they loudly bicker about his narcissism. Then there are those times when the older man just stares at him from afar. He knows because sometimes his eyes wonder away from his own lips to look at Jackson in the mirror. He never holds eye contact though. But one of these days when he is feeling more daring and less like a naïve child, he just might.

 

At some occasions, he puts on a little bit more foundation around his lips, puts on an extra coat of gloss just in case. It could be because he is paranoid that someone might see what he can’t or it is simply that he likes to pretend that it is there, something worth hiding from others. He hasn’t yet decided if it is normal to feel so warm and content over the idea of someone else’s thumb prints on him, to feel almost disappointed every time he doesn’t find them after Jackson’s pulls on his lips a little too hard and rolls them between his thumb and index finger. It burns so much, he recalls the echoes of the touches for days and yet, all he has are memories but not a single physical evidence. They might not be as good as the real thing but hey, he’ll take what he can. You really can’t have everything you want and he has definitely learned how to compromise just like everyone else around him. The very fact that he even thinks about them as memories worth remembering should bother him but nothing is the way it should be these days.

 

The hand moves up to his thigh, then slowly travels up and he stops breathing for a moment when finger tips press on the skin of his exposed hips. He lets out a tiny sigh when a palm covers his left hipbone. Of course, something that wrecks his mind and starts up a storm in his head calms his heart like nothing else can. He will never get over just how familiar and comforting Jackson’s mere presence is. He feels so immensely safe and protected with his friend’s big hands keeping him grounded and he can bet his whole wardrobe that Jackson knows. Whenever he feels sad or restless, the older man always knows. All he needs is a hand on his thigh or the back of his neck and he is good to go. He realizes that it can be considered a weakness and he is overly dependent but he can’t really bring himself to give a single fuck. These new complications that are his feelings and sudden self realization really did a number on him. One day, he was a child pretending to be a grown up while he was secretly content being Jackson’s little baby; basking in all the attention and the next day he woke up too conscious of his own body and of his behavior around the older guy. He couldn’t help but rewind and repeat every moment they have had between them and seeing it in a new light. The fact that suddenly he wasn’t being seen as just a cute child and that he enjoyed being stared at by people; women and men as well if he is honest, wasn’t helping at all. He knew he could be feminine at times and it made people, especially men uncomfortable. But it wasn’t such a big deal when he was still a baby faced kid. It went along with his ‘cutest member’ image. But then he grew up, his limbs stretched, his features became sharper and his body lines took a more sophisticated turn and suddenly he wasn’t that cute dancing to girl group songs. He was confused for a while himself but he knew that nothing about him was that strange or uncommon considering he is from Thailand. Gender roles and expressions was a whole new world in his Motherland. He felt a little hurt when some of the Hyungs felt embarrassed and acted like they couldn’t look at him. They tried to pass it off as just light joking but he knew they were all a little baffled to some degree. But he is too proud of himself and how he can fit with his Noonas on the stage without looking awkward and totally out of place. It is not like he is throwing his fabulousness in their faces but he isn’t up for discarding an important and real part of himself for anyone’s comfort either. And not to mention that he actually enjoyed his sensuality. He looks at himself in the mirrors while he is practicing, at the lines and forms while he moves to the music. So yeah, he is a little bit of a narcissist. But it sn’t like it is just him who looks, he feels many sets of eyes on him. And he doesn’t mind at all, after all he does look good moving to the music. Those are the times when he feels the most confident in himself --a stage, music and freedom brings the artist out in him. He had read somewhere that an artist doesn't have a gender, its not a man or a woman, it is just an artist through which every emotion can be expressed and he really liked that way of thinking. He loved putting on manly gangster clothes and doing power choreographies but he also loved how women’s clothing brands were made for him as well and he can do a provocative girl group choreography without having to make it a parody. He just wasn’t that insecure in his masculinity. It didn’t matter how masculine or feminine he is, he is himself or at least he is trying to be by exploring different sides to himself and he can be attractive by being who he is even if it doesn’t match many people’s conventional ideas.

 

Sadly, that didn’t help him with his other situation; this situation that is slowly slithering up his body, all heat, freshly washed skin and muscles. He feels Jackson dropping his chin in the middle of his chest. “Bam, wake up! Bam-Ah! Bam-Ah! Bam …. Hey, you little rascal.” The hand that isn’t on his hip is suddenly lifting the back of his neck and he finds himself staring at a pouting puppy. Or that is what Jackson looks like as he stares with his eyes still half close and vision all disoriented. For some moments he just doesn’t do anything else. He probably looks really fucking stupid with his messy hair and lips a little parted. He still feels too dumb to really do anything and he shivers a little when droplets of water fall on his collarbone and neck from Jackson’s wet hair. Jackson sits a little and drags his head with him. The sudden movement makes him feel dizzy and he lets out a little noise which doesn’t exactly convey the confusion he is feeling but Jackson stops for a second anyway and just looks at him. Slowly, the other boy wraps both his arms around him and manhandles him into a sitting position and then he lets Bambam flop himself on him. And as magnets would work, Bam just goes and wraps himself around his friend. Jackson closes his legs a little around the younger man and then they both just remain like that for a while. He rubs a hand up and down Jackson’s arms and he starts humming the song again, the sex song that has been put on repeat it seems. He always gets whined at by the older man for listening to the same song on repeat but it really is hypocritical of him seeing how Jackson can hardly let go of songs when the beats get stuck in his head. He figures that his older best friend just really likes to argue with him. They could literally spend a whole daybickering about stuff they have already fought over before. And he can’t say that he would mind even a little bit.

 

Jackson moves his upper body after some time and it makes Bam’s chin fall from where he had it digging in Jackson’s shoulder. He doesn’t bother finding that position again and just hides his face somewhere between the older man’s neck and chest. It is only when he inhales a little that he realizes that he is nuzzling Jackson’s very bare and sweet smelling skin. It is in these kinds of moments that occur to frequently now that he questions and doubts himself. He swears he was just too sleepy and this is just a comfortable and familiar setting, he didn’t even realize that he was rubbing himself all over his half naked friend. But then he doesn’t know if he can trust himself or even his sub consciousness anymore. He wills himself to not be abrupt, to not freeze up and push himself away from the man and by now he has had so much practice that he is almost successful. He doesn’t move away his face, keeps his left hand on a shoulder and the other one still moving over Jackson’s arm. He imagines what he will say to the other man as he counts to 20, enough time for him to calm his nerves and to move away casually with some excuse. All the while he prays that Jackson will keep his own hands where they are, supporting himself on the bed with one and the other in the middle of the younger boy's shoulder blades. But as it is in Jackson's nature, the things he does are never influenced by what other's want or wish except for maybe when it is his parents. So as he starts to move away, the other man moves with him and suddenly Bam wants to ditch the idea of acting all calm and unaffected. He wants to flail and shout, run out of the room screaming, go find Mark or Yugyeom's bed, hide himself under their blankets and stay there forever -- far away from Jackson's grabby hands that are now hovering too close to the younger man's bare waist, his pants riding to low, his threadbare predebut tee too small on him now and he is desperately wishing that he could pull it down but he will have to move for that, something he can't bring himself to do in that moment. His breathing picks up, he is close to gasping loudly and Jackson is now holding his waist tightly which makes him grip the older man's shoulders harder in retaliation. He aggressively hopes that he would leaves deep marks that would stay for days. He would also like to pretend that the audible hitch in his breathing was something that he just imagined when he felt the tip of Jackson's nose lightly touch his earlobe. "Hey, are you not feeling well? Why are you breathing like that?" But Jackson obviously has some different ideas. The younger man shudders as warm breath falls on his right ear and he wants to physically remove Jackson's hands away from himself. His bare skin is burning under the touch and he wants to open his eyes and look down to see if there are huge red handprints around his hips and waist. He feels so utterly small and soft when Jackson holds him like this, his body gives this illusion of being too dainty and fragile when it seems like the older man could just cover his whole middle with his two hands. He was nineteen now, not completely without his own muscles and his body was filling up slowly with all the work out. He had a naturally slimmer physique but the older man made him feel tiny, which was so ridiculous because he was a little taller than Jackson even without insoles.

 

"You are so out of it, are you drunk?", Jackson whispered quietly and Bam couldn't tell if he was joking or serious, which was again so typical of the older guy. "Jack, shut up." Bam tried to move away by pushing on Jackson's bare chest, eyes still closed. He wasn't ready to look at the older boy, not when his heart was still racing and he doesn't want to think about what his friend might see in his eyes. He feels too raw and he knew he had something he wants to hide, he just didn't knew what it was. But his friend was older, more experienced and he might not act like it, but he was way more wise than he let on. He isn't ready yet, to see the look of understanding dawning on the older man's face when he himself has been so confused about what it was that he was hiding. But these days he felt like he was way too close to the edge, just a slight slip and it will all be over before it even starts for him.

 

He is dragged away from his musings as Jackson jerked him back to himself and then they were staring at each other. And really, who was he even kidding. Jackson always gets what he wants, he stood no chance. He likes to pretend that he gets his way with this man but they both knew it wasn't true. He felt wide awake now as he looked at his Hyung. His Hyung, brother, friend, older brother, brother, older, a brother -- A man, wet strands of bleached hair pushed up, alert eyes looking dark but that is probably just the low lighting and cheekbones the younger boy didn't allow himself to touch although he thought about touching them frequently. He could see the pink lips moving and forming words but he was a tad bit more focused on the newly shaved skin around it and how it would still be a little rough if he was to touch right now . "Hey, are you even awake? I didn't hear you properly. Did you just tell your Hyung to shut up?You are not making any sense. What did you just say?" The younger man didn't want to take any chances since he still couldn't tell what kind of mood Jackson was in. He would bet on just being fucked with and Jackson wanting to play with him but he wasn't in the mood to entertain his Hyung right now, he just wanted to get away and have some quiet moments in the shower to himself. He cut off the older man who was still going on, hurling questions and threats at him. "Ah, Hyung! I wasn't awake enough, I was just saying gibberish. Ignore me." He mumbled softly, voice still soft and sleepy. He was finally coming back to his senses and he was actively thinking about how to get out of this situation. He had yet to shower and he could just get off the bed if he knew how to convince Jackson to let him go for a second. Jackson was still looking at him and he was still having difficulties in breathing normally.

 

"I- Hyung, I should go take a shower and then sleep," but Jackson cuts him off by pushing them closer with a hand on the small of the younger man's back and raising his other hand to hold his lips between his fingers to shut him up, just like Bam hated. It made him look like duck to be honest, Jinyoung and Yugyeom had pictures. "Shhh, look at me first, Bam-Ah!" Bambam did as he was told and he instantly regretted it. Jackson had that soft look on his face, the one he had right before he let someone in on a secret, said something he wished to keep private but had to share with someone anyway. The older man's eyes were still a little dark, with his cheekbones glowing and with his lips slightly parted, he looked too handsome. If he were a girl, his heart would sure skip a beat.

 

"Bam,"

"Hyung!"

"Its just us."

"Huh?"

"I mean, you don't have to be so careful and there's no need to be embarrassed --"

"Umm?"

"-- You know that I don't mind, right? You are my little baby, no matter how tall you grow!"

 

Bambam felt his face going red, his ears felt too hot. He was so confused and he wanted to slap his hands on Jackson's mouth. He looked down and whispered softly.

"Hyung? What do you mean, I don't .. What is it that you don't mind?"

"This!"

 

Jackson's eyes were huge and honest, like he had said something really important and he was nodding at the younger boy encouragingly. But when Bam kept staring and didn't respond, Jackson sighed a little and moved his thighs up and down which in turn made the younger boy shake, who was basically sitting on Jackson's thighs at this point.

 

"I know you get awkward but no one is here, so don't feel embarrassed. You know you can always sit on my lap, right?"

 

The younger boy's mouth slowly drops open as he looks at his Hyung who looks too genuine to have been just kidding. He seriously just said that, they just had a one sided conversation about Bambam's habit of always dropping onto sit in Jackson's lap, a habit he was less prone to giving into now, especially in front of too many people and even lesser in front of the cameras. He felt so mortified, it was clearly the time to flail and scream, so he did. Things can never stay calm and quiet like this between them, something always gives. He chokes on his own embarrassment and lets out a squeaky yell as he drags himself out of Jackson's grip. But the moment he finds his balance, the older man pulls him back, this time with Bambam haphazardly dropping sideways on his lap where Jackson was sitting on the edge of the bed now. He puts his hands around the older man's neck and stares at him incredulously.

 

"Don't run away, don't you see I am trying to have a serious conversation? Have some respect you brat."

"Hyung, let's not. There's nothing to talk about." He gives into his desire and puts a hand on Jackson's face, shakes him softly. "I am nineteen. Why do you even bring that up? I am not a child anymore, its not appropriate. Simple."

 

Jackson frowns at him, lips thinning in a downward slope. He has his 'don't bullshit me' look on his face and Bam feels confused.

 

"Don't give me that. You weren't a child last year either, but you didn't act all embarrassed like this before."

 

The younger man raises his eyebrows lazily and can't help but smile a little." I'm sitting here on your lap, right?"

 

"Will you not run to the other side of the room if any of the other boys were to come in? And I just had to drag you into sitting here. It wasn't like this before. You'd come by yourself and you didn't care about who was around to see you."

 

Bambam blinks a few times and looks out of the window , wondering if he will ever get used to how honest Jackson was and how never held back when something was bothering him. It was rather convenient and this quality in him has saved them from a lot of fights and misunderstandings. But sometimes, he'd love a warning before something like this was dropped on his head out of nowhere. He almost forgot about his previous discomfort and wanted to reassure Jackson that it wasn't really that big of a deal. But the older man was still just in his boxers and nothing else, it was hard to concentrate on anything besides that as he dragged his fingers down from where he was caressing Jackson's right cheekbone. It is only when he has to turn his face to look at where his middle finger was rubbing across the older man's jawline and chin that he realizes that they have been sitting quietly for too long. He dares himself to look up a little bit more to meet the eyes that were fixed on him and almost bites his lower lip, the lazy stare and the intensity behind it making him feel shy. He drops his hands on Jackson's and slowly pulls them away from his hips, still trying to maintain eye contact and failing for the most part. He just didn't want to make it seem like he was running away, but that is exactly what he was doing.

 

He slowly stands up and runs a hand through his hair, willing himself to not do something stupid like check his friend out from head to toe. Jackson puts both his hands behind himself on the bed and stares up at him, thighs parting even more, looking as casual and comfortable as always, never the one to feel even a pinch of discomfort over his body no matter how much he complained about the size of his legs and the shape of his face. Bambam forces to meet Jackson's eyes one last time and tries to grin.

 

"Hyung, don't worry so much. It isn't a big deal. Just an age thing, I just feel conscious. That's all. You're thinking too much, seriously. Let me get ready to sleep now, we have a flight in the morning." He turned halfway to the bathroom when Jackson stopped him again. This time his heart did skip a beat, as he felt the fingers wrapping completely around his bony wrist. He shakes his head to let his hair fall all over his eyes and looks back, praying to the heavens that he wasn't blushing so much that it would be visible in the low lighting.

"Hyung?"

 

"You still like me, right? Like you used to before? Now that I'm not around a lot." Jackson said in a low tone, his husky voice not sounding as confident as before.

 

Oh.

He wasn't expecting that.

 

His feet move on their own as he goes to stand between Jackson's legs, pulls his face closer to his own chest and puts the left side of his face on top of his Hyung's head. He lets Jackson make some noises to show his fake protest and waits for him to settle down. It doesn't take long and Jackson is wrapping his arms tightly around his middle in no time. He sways the older boy back and forth and smiles softly. At times, with his own issues and restless state of being, he forgets that his friend can't read his mind. He also forgets that the older boy has the wildest imagination out of all of them and he is quick to start assuming things. He hates to think that Jackson is out there, always travelling and working alone when he isn't with them and he worries about such things. Honestly, he'd find a way to keep his issues to himself if he could and he feels guilty that the other man might be worrying that something is changing between them because of him and his work, when it is just Bambam and his own complicated ... feelings.

 

He hugs the older man tighter and thinks about who this person is that he is holding in his arms. His best friend of almost seven years even with three years of age difference between them, a fact that was mostly forgotten in their relationship -- someone who has been there for him since almost the very start of when he proceeded on this new path for himself in a foreign country, someone who has protected and looked after him in every situation when he didn't have to, not when they were all in a place where one's success could mean another's failure and people weren't nice to each other without a reason. The trainee life wasn't easy, especially when you ended up in a new country without any idea about the culture, language or people. The hyperactive and charming boy from Hong Kong always ready with a sunny smile or a judgemental stare depending on the situation made Bambam's early trainee years easier as they both struggled to raise themselves to whatever standards the company was looking for in their artists. This boy, who was a man now, a kind and caring man who love too much, and who worked the hardest and had the most hectic schedule which kept him away from them, worrying because of him makes him feel like shit. It hurts his heart and he doesn't want to be so selfish. If there was a simple cure for him to go back to his previous state of mind, he would. He tries to act normal, like before but he is obviously failing. It wasn't exactly lying either when he said it is just due to him growing up, that is definitely a part of it as well. He just wishes he was better at this as he runs a hand through Jackson's wet hair.

 

"Jack, you know I love you, right?" he switches to English because he felt like it was easier to communicate some feelings better in this language without all the formalities and rules based on age and gender. " I grew up.. I'm not a kid now. I'll change with age but--" he raises Jackson's head and looks into his eyes, "-- it will never change that I love you. It doesn't matter how busy you are and that we can't see each other everyday. No one's gonna replace you man."

 

He grinned down at the older boy and dropped a kiss on his forehead. It was given how delicate this matter was when Jackson didn't make a face at the little gesture. He looked so vulnerable, Bambam wanted to keep saying I love you to him on repeat. Sometimes Jackson just needed to hear the obvious. He wasn't into the 'men don't share feelings or cry' thing.

 

He switches back to Korean as he finally moves back and picks up the towel from the other bed. "Seriously, Hyung! You were worried I don't sit in your lap anymore because I replaced you with someone else or something?" He shots a brattish smile to the older man as he collects everything he needs. Jackson shakes his head and glares at him, "Yah! Way to make your Hyung feel like some neglected girlfriend acting all unreasonable. Seriously, you're too much."

 

The younger boy barks out a quick laugh as he goes to close the door of the bathroom. He glances at the man he really adores and cherishes one last time, "You're precious, you know?" He says softly to him as the same song still plays in the background, then quickly closes the door without waiting to see how he reacts.

 

\--

He stands there for a minute, looking at the door like it will fall down any second. When nothing happens except for the song being paused, he goes to turn on the shower, takes a deep breath, slides down the wall far away from where the water is falling and has a meltdown as silently as possible. For his own sake, he hopes Jackson will fall asleep by the time he works up the nerve to get out of here.

 

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't interacted much with the fandom over the years so I don't know how fans tend to characterize these boys. I hope I get something right.


End file.
